THE GOONIES......

ALFAMEGA

When you look up the word “goon” in the rap dictionary, you’ll find those now-infamous pictures of T.I.’s Grand Hustle muscle Alfamega spazzin’ out on Shawty Lo’s crew at last year’s Dirty Awards. In those photos, especially the one where he’s smiling as he tussles with an overmatched cop, you can tell that Alfamega was having a good time; he shrugged-off a blast of pepper spray to the face like it was spearmint Binaca. With a lead-fisted shot to the dome, Mega left a Shawty Lo associate snoozing on the floor during T.I. and Grand Hustle’s performance at the Awards show.

The televised incident may earn him another bid in the bing, but his commissary should be stacked for a job well done. Aspiring rappers take note: It doesn’t matter how well you rhyme, how many chicks you bag and how much jewelry you rock. Your crew isn’t complete without a ninja like Mega in the stable.

UNCLE MURDA

Like most Hip-Hop Goons, East New York’s Uncle Murda has dropped a slew of requisite mixtapes and has made the internet rounds, selling his street cred with the fervor of a presidential candidate. He was Jay-Z’s muscle at Roc-A-Fella and now he’s rumored to be signing with G-Unit to join the rent-a-thug ranks of Spider Loc and 40 Glocc. But Uncle Murda seems comfortable with his enforcer status and the man is downright entertaining. In a move of pure marketing genius (or foolishness, depending on your point-of-view,) he announced on citywide radio that he’s caught numerous bodies and even shot cops, inciting angry police officers to call up the station in protest. Murda was also filmed sucker-punching his longtime nemesis and fellow Brooklynite, Papoose.

After a bullet grazed his skull earlier this year, Murda posted a YouTube clip claiming that he nursed his wounds with “Kush and Hennessy.” Hopefully, the Kush was prescribed by a licensed physician.

TONY YAYO

Tony Yayo has dropped platinum albums, appeared on a number of G-Unit projects and has multi-millionaire 50 Cent for a best friend, so when it comes to being categorized as a Hip-Hop goon, he’s in a class by himself. His music is average at best, but the man’s thugged-out resume is impeccable. Jail time, gunplay, beatings, intimidation…it’s stellar. As for notable incidents, where do we begin? Jimmy Henchman, The Game’s one-time manager and sworn enemy of G-Unit, accused Tony Yayo and his cronies of slapping his teenage son (charges against Yayo were dropped when one of his minions admitted to the act).

When it comes to talking trash and provoking 50 Cent’s opponents, nobody does it like Yayo. Whether questioning Game’s sexuality, calling ex-associate Young Buck broke or charging that Ghostface didn’t write Supreme Clientele, Tony Yayo doesn’t bite his tongue. And the dude’s loyal too. Catch Yayo on 50 Cent’s new MTV reality-show, “The Money And The Power,” standing beside his boss, rocking a crispy tuxedo. He’s graduated up to Corporate Goon.

JUST ICE

An affiliate of Boogie Down Productions during their heyday, Fort Greene, Brooklyn gangster rapper Just-Ice (emphasis on “gangster”) is the granddaddy of Hip-Hop Goons. Plus, he made some classic songs to boot (“Latoya,” “Going Way Back”). No disrespect to Plies and his sophomore album’s title, but Just-Ice is truly “The Definition of Real.”

When KRS-One had beef with MC Shan after KRS’s classic 1987 diss record, “South Bronx,” it was a lone Just-Ice who allegedly visited Shan’s Queensbridge Projects with a shotgun in tow, looking for challengers. Unsurprisingly he found none. Just-Ice’s street cred is rock-solid and with an appearance on America’s Most Wanted under his belt, the man is due for a Lifetime Achievement award in the art of Goonery.